Positive Self Talk vs the Inner Critic
Self-esteem refers to how much you believe in yourself, your abilities, and your worth. Building self-esteem is like building a house; the foundations are laid early on. As children, we source our self-esteem from our relationships with family, teachers, and friends as we figure out who we are. However, not everyone has a good time growing up, so our foundations might be a bit (or a lot) wobbly. While you can build on wobbly foundations, by doing things like getting a good education, landing that promotion, or finding your dream partner, you probably won't feel good enough with it if you didn't feel good enough without it. If you notice that you don't feel good about yourself, have a lot of anxiety, or suffer from low moods, you might want to think about your self-esteem. The good news is that as adults, we have the power to strip the whole structure back and create much sturdier foundations than the ones provided for us originally. However, building and maintaining self-esteem is not easy, and it requires daily(yes, daily!) practice and the ability to karate chop self-doubt and negative thoughts. This is where positive self-talk comes in.
Positive self-talk is the practice of intentionally speaking to yourself in a positive and uplifting way. It involves recognising and challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Although it might feel cringe af to stand in front of a mirror and repeat "I am beautiful! I am powerful! I am strong!", it's a level 100 power tool for building self-esteem (trust me, I'm a therapist!). The key is repetition. If you call yourself an idiot (or worse) multiple times a day for many years, you probably won't feel amazing about yourself. The principle also applies in reverse. Making a genuine habit of saying good things about yourself is likely to make you feel better about yourself.
Another benefit of positive self-talk is that it helps to counteract negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is the inner critic that tells you you aren't good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough. It is frankly, a knob head. Engaging with our inner critic can be a vicious cycle that leads us to doubt ourselves and our abilities. Positive self-talk helps to break this cycle by shifting our focus from negative thoughts to positive ones.
Positive self-talk also increases our self-awareness and self-acceptance. When we practice positive self-talk, we become more aware of our thoughts and feelings. We learn to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. It's not about magically believing that we're practically perfect in every way. It's about recognising that we're not, but we deserve love, kindness, and respect anyway.
Positive self-talk is also great at reducing stress and anxiety. When we speak to ourselves in a positive and uplifting way, we calm our nervous system and reduce the release of stress hormones. This helps us feel more relaxed and confident in our abilities. Talking to ourselves like we are our own ideal parent can be very comforting, just like parents speak to babies with soft, soothing, positive phrases when they cry or feel scared.
Positive self talk is powerful, but you won't feel the benefits after one attempt, or even five attempts. So get practicing! Have a bash at answering some of the questions below to get you started:
What is something that I am proud of?
What have I accomplished recently?
What is a quality that I like about myself?
What are some things that I am looking forward to?
What is a compliment I've received that really stands out?
What are some things that I am grateful for?
What are something I could teach others?
What's a value I hold that is mirrored in my behaviours?
When did I show determination?
What are some things that I can do to take care of myself today?
